oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
