That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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