If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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