I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
