do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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