Already got asked if we're dating
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Enjoy the penises
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
