Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
