it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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