no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
