We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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