Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
