How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
