Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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