saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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