And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
