I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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