He felt like a one man threesome
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
