I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
