My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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