so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
