Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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