The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
