He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she woke up with a sticky ear
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
