New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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