Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
handjob tips. give me some.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
