woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
