dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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