Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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