Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
