My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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