MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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