He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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