Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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