this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
