Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
