ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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