I showed him my bush... on skype.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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