i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
