I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
