Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
