So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
