I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
