every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
