Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
