Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
