we made out on top of his cat.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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