I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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