Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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