I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
