I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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