I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
