In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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