She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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